Two sides of anguish
by xXTinyFanxX
Summary: Book 2 of Breaking Dawn from Edward's point of view, and how it should have happened!
1. Chapter 1

**Basically this is book 2 of Breaking Dawn from Edward's point of view, and with a few changes. Please review so I know where to go with the next chapter!**

"How do you feel?" I whispered into her ear, forever concerned about her.

"I'm ok," she lied.

I met her eyes with scepticism.

"No really, I feel a lot better now." She insisted weakly.

"It will all be over soon," I promised, realising my words could be construed two ways. She bobbed her head in a feeble nod and placed her free hand over the mountainous bulge that was her stomach. Her other hand was interlaced with my own as we lay on the large sofa in my living room. My family hovered nearby, ready to assist when the creature inside Bella next attacked her, but determined to give us some privacy until then.

Bella was almost as anxious as I was, although she would never admit it. She her face was stained with silent tears and her teeth kept a constant nervous nibble on her bottom lip. The hand I held in my own shook slightly every so often. I kissed her forehead with as little pressure as possible, terrified of causing her any more discomfort than she was already in.

She sighed contentedly and murmured, "Sing my lullaby."

I obliged and her eyelids began to droop as she nestled her head against my chest. I sighed with relief as I realised she was not in too much pain to sleep now, as she had been last night.

Carlisle drifted back into the room and knelt down next to the sofa. He pressed the back of his hand to Bella's forehead and muttered, "She still has a fever."

"I know." The heat radiating from her was unbearable.

"Edward…" Carlisle began, looking deeply uncomfortable.

_It's not looking good…when the baby's born…Bella might not…it's possible that she…_

"No," I hissed in answer to his unspoken words. "She'll be fine. I _won't_ let anything happen to her because of _this." _I gestured towards her stomach.

Carlisle looked like he wanted to disagree, but thought better of it. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"It must make it so much easier for her knowing you're looking after her," he said softly.

The knot in my stomach twisted up in my stomach again as I watched my father leave the room and I considered his words. What he had failed to mention, of course, was the fact that it was because of me, because of my weakness, that my Bella was so fragile right now, and in such dire need of looking after.

A low moan broke in through my thoughts and I realised it was Bella. She pulled her hand free of mine and placed both tight around her stomach as she sat up. Fresh tears were once again rolling down her soft cheeks, following the same path as previous ones that had barely even had the chance to dry.

I rubbed her back anxiously and called for my father to bring more morphine.

"Ssssh," I murmured, pulling her into my arms. "It's ok, Carlisle's coming with the morphine, the pain will stop soon."

She shook violently in my embrace, the strength of the thing inside her overpowering her.

For the first time since this awful situation had began, she let out a scream just as a deafening crack sounded. She went limp in my arms.

"Bella?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Bella, wake up…Bella…"

"Edward don't panic," Carlisle's ever calm voice urged. "She's feinted, she'll come round. I'm pretty sure it's just a cracked rib."

I scowled at his use of the word "just."

Taking in my expression he muttered something about going to get his kit and left the room.

I could not believe this creature was causing my beautiful, breakable wife so much damage. Such a creature should not exist. It would not be continuing to exist if it weren't for the fact that Bella was so absurdly protective of it. Even now, passed out, her arms were spread loosely but defensively across her stomach. I sighed. I would give her anything she asked for, but somehow she always wanted the wrong things, the most difficult and dangerous things.

Where had Carlisle gotten to? Shouldn't he administer some pain relief, if one of Bella's ribs was cracked? I detangled myself from Bella and lay her back on the couch, intending to find Carlisle. As if she had sensed my departure she stirred suddenly, blinking in confusion.

"You were leaving," she accused, half smiling.

"Just to find Carlisle." I kissed her hand. "How do you feel now?"

"Groggy," she admitted. "And I think I've cracked a rib…again." She grinned sheepishly, as if it were her fault.

My hands balled into tight fists as I left the room in search of Carlisle. I wondered up stairs, assuming he'd be collecting together his medical supplies, but there was no sign of him. Irritated, I headed back downstairs and walked straight into Emmett.

"He's outside," he said, as if _he _were the mind-reading member of the family.

I pushed past him and ran outside. What was Carlisle playing at? He knew Bella was in pain and her rib needed seeing to; what was he doing wondering around out here?!

That's when I saw him. Jacob.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews so far, please keep them coming!**

Chapter 3

"I just want to see if she's okay," Jacob was pleading with my father.

His thoughts betrayed him: _The death match can wait._

I raised my eyebrows at him, signifying that I knew of his true intentions, and he tensed into a crouch, ready to spring. Carlisle watched us warily, unsure if he should step in. I shook my head. I had no intention of wasting time on the dog when Bella was so sorely in need of help.

"Carlisle, perhaps it would be best if you saw to Bella sooner rather than later." I said pointedly.

"Of course," he agreed, before adding, "Jacob, as I said, now really isn't a good time." He turned and headed back into the house.

"Jacob?" a weak voice croaked from within the house. "Let him in," she begged.

_Gonna let me past? _He questioned, with a sneer to his thoughts.

I turned and stepped back into the house, not even bothering to look at him.

I settled on the floor at the end of the couch, my head by Bella's feet, my hands resting on her legs.

Jacob's thoughts stated the irritatingly obvious as he observed that it was indeed true that Bella was ill. His next question almost made me laugh.

"Are you all right?" he mumbled.

Bella chose not to answer, apparently realising she could not lie that blatantly. Instead she told him she was glad he'd come to see her today. _Today. _As if she knew she would not see the end of the week. I let out a moan and tightened my grip on her. Her uncharacteristically cold palm found my cheek, stroking it, as if to calm me. _She _was comforting _me._

"What's wrong?" Jacob continued the questioning.

She looked around the room warily, as if seeking permission to let him in on our fatal secret. I gave her a slight nod; there was no point in hiding this from her best friend. Maybe he could even talk some sense into her. Maybe…

She pushed herself up onto her elbows, attempting to lift herself off the couch. I quickly rose and swung her carefully to her feet. She stumbled a little before pulling the blanket off herself, allowing Jacob the full impact of her new form.

He noticed the bulge of her stomach, her deformed figure, of course he did. What took a little longer was the realisation of _what _was deforming Bella like this.

_Pregnant?! _He exclaimed in his head. _I saw her a month ago and she wasn't…she can't be… _Suddenly his thoughts turned aggressive: _With _his _child! That's what's making her so ill, it's like him, a monster. I always knew he would be the death of her. _

If he didn't have my full attention before, he certainly had it now. Perhaps it was the fact that his words rang so true that got to me, I'm not sure, but suddenly it was almost impossible to remain civil towards him, even in front of Bella.

"Outside," I hissed, already half way to the door. He followed eagerly; this is what he had come here for.

"Edward, no," Bella pleaded from the sofa, her face an impossible picture of pain and worry. I hurried back to her side and ran my fingers through her hair.

"Just to talk," I promised, kissing her lightly on the cheek. Her eyes read my expression as I fought hard to keep my poker face in place. Something she saw in there put her at ease, and she lay back down on the couch, placing her faith in me. I immediately felt intensely guilty. What was I doing, ordering Jacob outside for a fight? I could never hurt someone who meant so much to her, had such an influence over her every move. _An influence. _Suddenly I had a new reason to want to speak privately to Jacob. I gestured towards the door.

"Shall we?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I walked as far away from the house as I could without leaving the driveway, so that my family could not listen to this conversation. It would be hard enough without an audience.

I didn't bother to look back at Jacob, I knew he'd follow me anywhere, so long as he got his fight.

"You can't kill me yet, Jacob." I murmured as I came to a standstill.

_The hell I can't! _

I chuckled at the determination in his "voice" before becoming completely serious.

"You know Bella needs me right now," I whispered.

In his mind he pictured walking back into the house having fought me, having to face Bella, having to live with his decision. He shuddered.

I decided now was a good a time as any to begin.

"You know it's… it's killing her," I told him softly.

He had guessed as much, it was clear in the way she stood, spoke, looked. He ran through different scenarios in his head, of Bella delivering like any other mother (I shook my head silently), of Carlisle terminating the pregnancy.

"We can't," I whispered, exasperated. How many times had I been over this scenario myself? "She won't let us…she wants this…this _thing."_

"Even though…?"

"She's prepared to die for… it." I answered simply, careful to never actually use the words "baby" or "foetus."

Jacob shook his head in disgust at me, his mind overflowing with errant thoughts, of deciding for Bella, holding her down.

"It's not _our _choice," I hissed. "I could never do that to her, no more than you could."

I collected my thoughts for a moment, choosing my words carefully. Right now I needed Jacob as an ally rather than en enemy, something which went against everything we knew.

"She thinks she can handle this," I informed him. "She's clinging to the hope that she can deliver this thing like any other mother-to-be, and walk away from it. She's hurt that we doubt her."

"And can she?" he asked without hope. "Walk away from it?"

"Carlisle's been doing some research…it's not looking good." My voice cracked on the last couple words of my statement; the thought of losing Bella all over again was too much to bear. We'd only just gotten married, it shouldn't be this hard.

I shook myself from my thoughts and continued speaking to Jacob.

"She won't listen to us when we tell her that though. Not to any of us… I wonder if maybe she might…she might be more likely to listen to you."

There, I'd said it. It pained me to admit that having failed to convince Bella myself, Jacob was my back up, my last resort, my final hope. But if this is what it would take to save her life, it was such an incredibly small price to pay.

He snorted. I eyed him with surprise. I had expected him to gloat, but here he stood, a look of utter disbelief in his eyes.

"When does she _ever _listen to me?!" he laughed. "All the times I've tried to convince her what a jerk you are, how much I love her, how much better off she'd be with me, and yet here we are now, and you guys are married and having a kid!"

"That's the whole point!" I said urgently. "It's not meant to happen like this, we're not having a _kid! _She's a married woman now, she _should _be able to have children, but she can't, not with me. She _would _be better of with you, Jacob, having your children…instead of this one…"

I trailed off, hoping he was on the same page as me. It was unlikely, considering I wasn't even sure myself where I was heading with this.

What exactly was I proposing? That she have a baby with him and then come back and live with me? That the dog and I could share her and the child? Or that she should just go off with him completely, start a new family, without me?

Jacob was working through similar thoughts, confused, but intrigued. He didn't want to hope for something like this, but I had planted the seed and it was blossoming vividly. He pictured her large with pregnancy, but healthy looking, with his arm around her waist.

I sighed. I would miss her intensely, and I would always be waiting for him to slip up, so I could step back in. It would be the sole focus of my entire existence. But it would mean my beautiful Bella could live a normal life, as I had always intended her to.

Our minds made up, I turned back toward the house and signalled for Jacob to follow.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I walked back into the house with the tiniest glimmer of hope in my heart, praying against the odds that Jacob, Bella's Jacob, could be the one to save her in the way I could not.

Jacob's thoughts swirled round my head in a confused haze as he tried to determine what his course of action would be. He was baffled, understandably, but the shock had faded and given way to possibility. His thoughts turned to the image of Bella as she had been before this catastrophe, healthy and glowing, full of life. His mind was made up.

"Bella and Jacob need to talk privately," I announced to the room tonelessly, no hint of emotion betraying the internal battle I was fighting.

When no one moved I gestured towards the door. "Everyone, please," I said pointedly to Rosalie.

Reluctantly, she backed out of the room, her eyes always on me. I sighed. She certainly wasn't making things any easier. I bent down to kiss Bella on the cheek before following Rosalie out of the room.

I wanted so badly to listen to the conversation taking place in the living room. I wanted to hear what he would say to persuade her, how he would sell his lifestyle to her. His companionship. His love.

I did not. The begrudging respect I had for the dog and the overwhelming love I had for Bella was enough to convince me that this conversation should indeed, as I had suggested to my family, be private.

So I was caught unaware when Jacob flew out of the front door and straight past me, already beginning to phase. I was angry at first; how dare he be so reckless as to lose control so close to my fragile wife? And then the realisation sank in that no matter how much I resented it, I owed Jacob, no matter how much it pained me to admit it, and no matter what the outcome of their conversation had been. After all, if nothing else, he had tried, and gotten so much closer than I had managed to so far.

I entered the living room once again with that same tiny glimmer of hope flickering in my heart. One look at my love's face told me Jacob had not been successful in his conquest. Silent tears rolled down her pale cheeks. Her face portrayed a look of awe and wonder as I entered the room.

"You really would do anything for me, wouldn't you?" she whispered. I nodded, unable to say anything more.

"I've never known anyone so selfless," she continued, nestling against me as I sat down next to her.

"I love you so much," I answered, my voice thick with passion. The fact that I would do anything to save her at this point should have been mere consolation for the fact that it was my doing that had gotten her into this situation in the first place. But, as always, Bella did not see it like that.

Our moment was interrupted by the unwelcome presence of Jacob inside my head.

_Hey Edward, can you hear us? You gotta get out here man, you__'__re in for some trouble._

I sprinted outside without even explaining to Bella where I was going.

"Jacob? Seth?" I yelled as I ran.

Their thoughts cluttered my mind as they hurtled towards me in wolf form, filling me in on their meeting with the pack.

Trouble indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"What's going on?" I demanded. Jacob's carefully selected memories answered my question, with Seth's filling in the things Jacob missed out. I pieced together the puzzle and realised what this meant.

"They want to kill Bella?" I hissed.

Emmett and Jasper, who had heard the commotion and appeared on either side of me, snarled suddenly at my words and sank into a crouch, ready to pounce.

"Not them," I muttered. "The rest of the pack. Get the others!" I spoke with urgency now. "Get Carlisle!"

"I'm going to take a run around the perimeter, keep an eye out," Seth announced, departing seconds later.

This left just me and Jacob. We stood facing each other, man to man…vampire to wolf.

Having been filled in by the two young wolves I was all too aware of the sacrifice Jacob had made in coming here and starting his own pack.

"This isn't exactly the first time I've owed you far more than just my gratitude," I smiled wryly. "I would never have asked for something like this from you."

_Yeah, you would. _

His mind flickered back to our earlier conversation, when I had asked him to coax Bella into having a child with him, despite the obvious internal dilemmas this would cause for him.

I sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I have no right to expect these things from you."

_Once again, I__'__m not doing it for you._

"Right," I muttered.

_Is she any better?_

My mind drifted back to Bella, infinitely pale and weak.

"Worse." I said quietly.

Jacob's face contorted into a grimace and he took off into the forest, muttering in his head about finding Seth.

Carlisle stepped towards me and put a hand on my shoulder as I re-entered the house.

"We won't let anything happen to her." He said with no trace of doubt in neither his voice nor his mind.

I was about to comment when a frail cough interrupted my thoughts. I nodded briefly to indicate that I had noted what Carlisle had said, before heading into the living room and leaning over the back of the sofa to peer at my precious Bella.

She smiled at me, a feeble yet genuine smile that would have made my heartbeat stutter, had I been of the same kind as her.

I smiled back uncertainly, wondering if this meant she was feeling better now, or was simply pleased to see me. I pressed the back of my hand to her forehead with the lightest of pressures and realised it was just as hot and clammy as before, if not more so. I took my hand away with a sigh. She was feeling no better, the way she lay curled up on the sofa showed that much.

"Lie with me," she pleaded in a tiny voice. "I need a cuddle."

My chest ached at the sound of the pain in her voice, her vulnerability. I flew to her side and scooped her legs out of the way so that there was room for me to lay beside her with my chest to her back. I wrapped my arms around her protectively and nestled my head in her sweet smelling hair. It was heaven. Right in the middle of hell.

As if to remind me of this fact, Bella piped up suddenly. "What did Jake and Seth want?" she inquired.

I hesitated. My knee-jerk reaction was to want to protect her, and if that meant lying to her, so be it. This time, though, lying to her seemed pointless. She was incredibly perceptive, my Bella, and she would be sure to notice how on edge everybody was at the moment. Not forgetting the fact that there would be three werewolves guarding the house at all times.

It would have to be the truth. I sighed. In her current fragile state frightening or worrying her could be detrimental.

"You have to promise me you won't get anxious," I began gently, carefully. Her face creased already, at the mention of the word 'anxious.' This was never going to be easy, I reminded myself. "The pack have decided that it would be the…safest…thing to do if…" Her face was perplexed as I struggled for words, something of a rarity.

I decided to start again and just come out with it; there was no diplomatic way to say it.

"The pack have got it into their heads that our…child…would be dangerous…as it's half vampire…and as they're unsure what to expect…they think…" I paused; her face was not a happy one, understandably. "They think that in order to protect their families, the only thing to do is…" These last two words would be the ones that pained her the most to hear. "Kill it."

Her hands flew immediately to her stomach, cradling it as she curled up into a defensive ball.

"But I won't let them hurt you!" I insisted instantaneously, gently pulling her legs away from her stomach so that she was no longer in a ball. "You're safe," I whispered over and over again in her ear.

"He never hurt anybody," she sobbed, not relenting her hold on her stomach. "He doesn't deserve this!"

I said nothing. It was hurting her now to consider the loss of her child, and it would only hurt her further to hear of Jacob's part in all of this.

The sudden look of confusion on her face confirmed that she had realised I had not truly answered her question.

"Are Jacob and Seth here to…?"

"No!" I shuddered at the thought. "They would never do that to you. They've broken away from the pack. Leah too. They've started some kind of alternative grouping."

I watched her face carefully as she fathomed this.

"Because of me?" She asked in a defeated voice.

"Because of Sam," I corrected. She needn't't know exactly how vehemently Sam felt on the subject of her unborn child.

"Jacob really would do anything for me, wouldn't he?" she said wonderingly.

"Yes, it seems he would." No matter how opposed I was to the dog, I had to give him that much.


End file.
